What makes them (all) crack is often more subtle, and unexpected. A small reminder of the 7 fundamentals to be irresistible … Without taking yourself seriously. (seduce)
Much ink has been written about the art of seduce for many years. Should we go all out or focus on naturalness above all? What are the best flirting techniques? We take stock of 7 fundamentals of seduction.
To seduce and to be yourself, it’s possible
No mistake: there is no question here of showing off in its most basic triviality, sulking the slightest effort to beautify. But the basic principle is to achieve a certain … consistency. We are strong, we are us and we embrace ourselves.
“I remember this girl like it was yesterday. But I saw her ten years ago, says Rémi, 42 years old. It was a staid working dinner, with people taking themselves seriously. She, she laughed, she spoke, she became animated. She wasn’t in the mold and didn’t care. The contrast was stark. I felt she was free, it made me want to know more. If Rémi was married and did not follow up, he confirms that being faithful to oneself, disconnected from judgment and the gaze of others, exerts a certain power of attraction. An idea shared by Florence Escaravage, coach and founder of the love advice site LoveIntelligence.fr which adds “To seduce is to be stronger yourself … It’s a game, a composition in which you have to know how to stay yourself.
We don’t put on a jumpsuit to pretend to be a woman who doesn’t look like us, we don’t cheat. We don’t pretend to be a tapas and rioja lover when what we love are oysters and chardonnay. No one is worth or wanting that.
To seduce is also to show off
Highlighting your strengths without overdoing it may seem obvious, but it’s quite an art. The principle: do what it takes to sublimate the beast, but without suspecting a second of the job accomplished. We get a nice fresh complexion with transparent and fluid materials, we highlight the chest with a mysterious neckline that does not go down to the navel or we emphasize the arch (if our asset is more on that side).
Not all at the same time, perhaps.
We choose the color that suits us that day, the material in which we feel good, the pumps that enhance our legs but on which we keep a natural gait. We choose suitable jewelry (fine if we are thin, more voluminous if we are tall or busty) … in short, we do in the subtlety and the adequacy with our person, our silhouette, our style.
“There is no rule,” explains Nicolas Degennes, artistic director and creator of makeup at Givenchy. You have to bet on sublimation without transformation. If you like to cover your face, you cover it so you don’t feel naked. For me, the main thing is to ban metamorphosis and appropriate the make-up while ignoring the dictates of the moment. »Objective: to be beautiful, as we want, as we love ourselves. Just taking time for yourself and doing yourself good (scented bath, exfoliation, moisturizers, makeup …) puts us in sensual mode, therefore necessarily … attractive.
The right thing to do :
We listen to each other. OK, there are only going to be old people at this party, or stuck up, but we really want to put on a sequined top? Well here we go. Because, tonight, that’s what we are, what we want. We will be right. Seducing is a state of mind. The encounter, improbable and fortuitous in essence, can happen anywhere.
Seducing requires having the mind available
Seducing is a state of mind. The encounter, improbable and fortuitous in essence, can happen anywhere. This opening can drive you crazy. Because it is synonymous with curiosity, interest in others, travel, distance. “The biggest mistake is to be in control,” recalls Florence Escaravage. It kills the attraction. “We therefore remain available and we live the present intensely, without spoiling our lives with” I would have to be more profile, otherwise he will see my mole “.
The subtext is that “you have to accept to be surprised”, continues the coach. Often, we stop at superficial considerations, we try to make the other stick to our predefined criteria. But this man in too short pants and shapeless sweater is perhaps a nugget for us. To find out, you have to be able to reach out to him without a priori. Or to let him approach …
The right thing to do
We never stop being the little thing folded in on itself which admires its navel while muttering: “I’m afraid, help, an intruder!” I am quite the opposite. We let it come. And suddenly, we shine.
Seduce and expect nothing in return
Not being in demand is one of the fundamental rules of seduction. To love yourself enough not to need the other, to just want.
You only have to analyze the raw facts to be convinced: it’s always when you’re “caught” that guys are attracted like flies! Why ? Because we give off an unstoppable subliminal message: “I’m sure of myself, I love myself, I don’t need you.” Go then, go your way! As the spirit of contradiction reigns in the land of seduction, men turn around.
“I’ve never been as successful as I have been since I had kids,” Julia, 42, says. Men approach me at parties when, younger, I spent my life stuffing myself with single girlfriends next to surprise bread. I think today I’m different. I know that I am a woman, I am able to raise my children, I have confidence, my outlook on myself has changed. And that of others too. ”
The right thing to do :
We seduce when we are not hungry or desperate and we know who we are, where we are going, and what we are worth.
Seduce and pay attention to each other
… and more generally to everyone. Watch, listen and hear. Know how to be interested, show it, be simple and considerate. We then release a quiet insurance, almost poisonous as it is addictive.”Florence Escaravage analyses,” The way we welcome others is significant. We must know how to establish a bridge between us and him.”
If one turns into a chatterbox, the other cannot place one. If we pretend to listen to him with a distracted ear, we’ll never quite know who he is. And he will definitely feel very lonely.
Look the other in the eye, question him without knocking him out, try to understand who he really is, without fear of the result. This is the best way to avoid disappointments, to possibly have good surprises. And, every time, to create between him and you a magnetic bridge that you just have to cross.
“I like when a woman listens to me by giving me the impression of being the center of her world at that moment,” sums up, dreamy, François, handsome dark quadra. I find that very sexy. Sometimes his gaze goes from my eyes to my mouth. It looks nice. It makes me very human. ”
The right thing to do :
It is only by digging the surface that one can discover treasures. And by going looking for the desire that we find it.
Seduce and use your humor
The saying goes, “Girl who half-laughs in your bed.” For men, it also works. Making the other laugh is a way of offering yourself, of showing that you have spirit, that you are free, that you are not afraid. Even if you don’t always have the right repartee, “you can always have humor about yourself, remembers Florence Escaravage. Knowing how to make fun of yourself, being able to criticize yourself, to make fun of yourself. , proves that we do not hide, that we do not disguise. It is proof of hindsight, and it is attractive. ”
“I love those girls make me laugh. Except in bed, notes Benoît, 32, laughing. I like verbal games, speed of mind. For me, the height of intelligence is when we underline a banality that I just said by scathing (tenderly) with a hyper-funny sentence. Even if it’s a little “masculine” humor, rough images, it knocks me down. It can make me completely in love. ”
The right thing to do:
Instead of panicking because we spilled our glass of red wine on our white blouse, we burst out laughing while pretending that it was well done: “He was not that beautiful, at least now, j have an excuse to throw it away … ”
To seduce is also to preserve the mystery
You don’t lay your soul bare in front of the first comer. Logic: you have to make him want to discover it. The strategy ? Rather than talking about everything and nothing, and unboxing our life in the face of our victim, we opt for the tactics of the chosen pieces.
Whether it was the loss of our cat Ronron when we were 5 years old, the last brawl at the office between two colleagues which turned us all upside down or our passion for Edward Hopper, here we go!
“What turns me on the most in a woman I don’t know yet is everything she doesn’t tell me,” says Olivier, 37. I will never forget how Tatiana, with whom I lived for five years, literally bewitched me with her art of speaking very freely, always leaving a doubt, an ambiguity, a mystery … After a few months I ended up imagining myself that she was a spy (Romanian). I admit that it really excited me. I had to end up realizing that it was pure fantasy. But even today I sometimes wonder if, finally … And it still has an effect on me! ”